Providing A Place to Heal: Characteristics of Foster Parents That Prevent Further Sexual Abuse & Help a Child Recover describes characteristics of foster parents that help prevent further sexual abuse and help a child recover.

·       Availability:  Be there to listen when the child needs to talk.  Respond in a way that is calm, empathetic and non-judgmental.  If a child uses coarse language, gently remind them of correct anatomical terms.  The child needs to be able to discuss the abuse with you, knowing that you will not get upset.

·       Know as much as possible about the child’s history before they are placed in your home.  Read court reports and psychological evaluations if they are available. Understand that some children may have suffered sexual abuse that has never been documented or reported.

·       Confidentiality:  Make sure the child knows about mandatory reporting laws.  If they disclose abuse to you, they should understand that it must be reported to the proper authorities and you cannot keep it a secret.  Do not discuss their abuse history with people who do not need to know.

·       Believe them.  Make sure they know that they will not be punished for disclosing abuse.  It is very difficult for a child victim to acknowledge and talk about sexual abuse.  If a child builds up the courage and trust to disclose abuse, and the effort is met with disbelief or anger, it may severely worsen the child’s feelings of shame, fear and powerlessness.

·       Show them long term love and support.  Tell them often how much you care about them.  Some practical ways to do this:  have family dinners together often, clearly define the roles and responsibilities of family members, praise them for accomplishments both big and small, show them you are interested in their activities by talking to them and attending special events.  Stick with them throughout their recovery, even if they exhibit challenging behavior.

·       Teach younger children about Good Touch/Bad Touch.  Empower them to say NO to adults who are making them feel uncomfortable.

·       Know the people who come into contact with your children.  Screen babysitters, volunteers and anyone else who spends time with your child.  Trust your gut if someone makes you feel uncomfortable.  Listen to children who cry or complain that they do not want to be alone with a certain adult.

·       Use the Sex Offender Registry to check backgrounds or search your zip code.  http://sexoffenders.hawaii.gov/index.html

·       Be flexible and patient.  Different children need different things from their caregivers as they progress through recovery.

·       Provide high levels of supervision.  Some children who have been sexually abused will display inappropriate sexual behavior or reenact the abuse.  Being vigilant and enforcing house rules can prevent a child from abusing others.

·       Seek therapy for the child from a trained professional who has experience working with child and adolescent survivors of sex abuse.

·       Be willing to work with the child’s family (especially a non-offending parent). Be a model of respect and empathy.
Article provided by the Hale Kipa Independent Living Programs.